Okay - a much more action-packed story - which should be enjoyable to panel out, as there'll be a good mix of shots and editing styles. That said, I don't think you have a satisfying pay-off - obviously, the 'morale' of your story is something like - 'rivalry ruins people' - as both performers come crashing down into the pool, but as I was reading your script, the audience reaction gave me a clue as to how you might be able to deliver a final punchline. Obviously, these two performers have always prided themselves on their elegance and athleticism, but their rivalry up on the ropes turns them into a couple of clowns - perhaps, because the audience are enjoying it so much - not 'oohing and aahing' but belly laughing - that the decision is taken that, from this point on, they'll be clowns in the circus, and you could have them both look at one another in the final reel, both of them looking completely ridiculous. It would round off the story and it would further underline the 'rivalry doesn't pay' riff. In regard to your Act 1 set-up, I think it's really important to convey to your audience that the older guy used to be the star, and so maybe you could begin your story in his circus trailer, which is papered with all his posters and photographs. I think it's key the audience understands that, while old, the original tightrope walker wants to stay, wants to be the star; you could very simply construct the rivalry visually; so, for example, start in the first tightrope walker's caravan, which is old, and vintage and traditional, and his costume is the same (think Victorian, say) - perhaps he's getting ready in the his mirror, and we see him in a moment of quiet reflection, and then defiance - and the moment he leaves his caravan - steps out - we see the other tightrope walker - their caravans are directly opposite - and the other guy's trailer is modern, slick, and his costume is as 'spandex' and shiny - and in that moment, as they glare at each other, your audience will understand everything about them! You could accomplish all of this so quickly - in pure visual and design terms (through character designs matching in with their personal environments). There's lots of juicy design work here.
I want you make proper use of the resources on myUCA/Story/Unit Materials - you'll want to pay specific attention to Andrew Loomis' Basics of Drawing Cartoons and Poses, Preston Blair's highly regarded Cartoon Animation, the Dynamics of the animated Drawing PDF - and obviously. Shot-by-Shot by Jeremy Vineyard - which is a illustrated glossary of camera moves etc.
I like the tight focus of your proposed assignment, but please read carefully the advice that follows re. the importance of context and keeping your introductions lean and mean and waffle-free...
OGR 14/02/2012
ReplyDeleteHey George.
Okay - a much more action-packed story - which should be enjoyable to panel out, as there'll be a good mix of shots and editing styles. That said, I don't think you have a satisfying pay-off - obviously, the 'morale' of your story is something like - 'rivalry ruins people' - as both performers come crashing down into the pool, but as I was reading your script, the audience reaction gave me a clue as to how you might be able to deliver a final punchline. Obviously, these two performers have always prided themselves on their elegance and athleticism, but their rivalry up on the ropes turns them into a couple of clowns - perhaps, because the audience are enjoying it so much - not 'oohing and aahing' but belly laughing - that the decision is taken that, from this point on, they'll be clowns in the circus, and you could have them both look at one another in the final reel, both of them looking completely ridiculous. It would round off the story and it would further underline the 'rivalry doesn't pay' riff. In regard to your Act 1 set-up, I think it's really important to convey to your audience that the older guy used to be the star, and so maybe you could begin your story in his circus trailer, which is papered with all his posters and photographs. I think it's key the audience understands that, while old, the original tightrope walker wants to stay, wants to be the star; you could very simply construct the rivalry visually; so, for example, start in the first tightrope walker's caravan, which is old, and vintage and traditional, and his costume is the same (think Victorian, say) - perhaps he's getting ready in the his mirror, and we see him in a moment of quiet reflection, and then defiance - and the moment he leaves his caravan - steps out - we see the other tightrope walker - their caravans are directly opposite - and the other guy's trailer is modern, slick, and his costume is as 'spandex' and shiny - and in that moment, as they glare at each other, your audience will understand everything about them! You could accomplish all of this so quickly - in pure visual and design terms (through character designs matching in with their personal environments). There's lots of juicy design work here.
I want you make proper use of the resources on myUCA/Story/Unit Materials - you'll want to pay specific attention to Andrew Loomis' Basics of Drawing Cartoons and Poses, Preston Blair's highly regarded Cartoon Animation, the Dynamics of the animated Drawing PDF - and obviously. Shot-by-Shot by Jeremy Vineyard - which is a illustrated glossary of camera moves etc.
ReplyDeleteI like the tight focus of your proposed assignment, but please read carefully the advice that follows re. the importance of context and keeping your introductions lean and mean and waffle-free...