After receiving feedback from my OGR it became clear that you would not fully understand the how the characters came to be where they were, and how their rivalry would really show, so from Phil’s feedback I have re-wrote act 1 so that it is more simple however easier to see.
Act 1 –
Environment – Inside Geoffrey’s trailer
Time - Night
Geoffrey sits at his desk chair, reclining with his eyes closed but still awake. In the corner of the room a small Victorian stool sits with a vintage vinyl player playing soft jazz playing.
The walls of the caravan are littered with posters and framed images of Geoffrey, in his ‘Glory days’ all surrounding the mirror which sits above his desk which he sitting at.
Geoffrey slowly gets to his feet as his act is announced over the tannoy outside his caravan.
He admires his self in the mirror with a sense of defeat in his face, but still a spark of pride and happiness. He gazes around the caravan as he admires his life work; he drags himself over to the vinyl player and removes the pin. He walks to the door and places his hand on the handle, then pausing to look over his shoulder around him.
Then swings the door open with a sigh
Patrice is stepping out of his caravan at the same time; he spins quickly on the spot to come face with geoffey.
story-boards incoming :)