Character: Geoffrey
Occupation/ Lifestyle: Tight-rope walker
Age: 59
Hobbies: Swimming and Fishing
Geoffrey feels the sudden urge to go swimming to a new a
leisure centre, he hops in his car and drives down the pool.
He arrives at the pool, only to be told by the receptionist
there is no swimming pool and that it hasn’t been there for 30 years. (The
receptionist points to a sign saying bowling alley) Geoffrey had never been bowling
before so the excitement to give it a go overwhelmed him. He walks through the
doors behind reception.
(In front of him is an empty swimming pool with the bowling
alley built in to it. His jaw drops with amazement. He sets down his towel,
goggles and shampoo down in the middle alley, the only one that is lit up. There
is only one bowling ball on the ball return system, he walks towards it and
sets himself up for his shot)
(Cameras: moving slowing around him, building suspense,
ending with a close up shot of his face)
Geoffrey builds into
a run, and throws the ball down the alley, (the camera follows the ball down
the alley) as the ball gets near to the end, the ball begins to swerve to the
side, and slowing down tittering on the edge of the gutter. Eventually falling
into the gutter and remaining still near the end of the alley. Geoffrey falls
onto his knees in disappointment clutching at is head.
He has an idea! He stands up, stretches a little then begins
the walk along the tiny bar separating the lanes, balancing precariously placing
one foot in front of another. He reaches the ball jammed in the gutter and
jumps up celebrating, however due to his jump of celebration he falls into the
lane setting off the REDLINE system!
End of storm!
Evening George :)
ReplyDeleteOkay - well, I can't help observing that maybe your story lacks any tension/conflict. You've got a series of events, but not really any 'story' of which to speak. A couple of suggestions then to get those creative juices flowing:
If your tight-roper walker IS an actual tightrope-walker then maybe your action is set in a circus; and therefore your swimming pool is more
http://www.clubpenguincutouts.com/Other/Circus%20Pool.png
than
http://emol.org/homeimprovement/anthonysylvanpools/pool4.jpg
Maybe, you need to introduce a rival circus-performer - someone who is trying to sabotage the tight-roper's big moment; maybe you've got a jealous trapeze artist, and some escalation of conflict and sabotage that involved a bowling ball down the back of someone's tights - or similar. The thing about character vs character is that it instantly sets up conflict - it also gives you an opportunity to go a bit more 'Tom & Jerry' about it. They could both end up in the pool in Act 3, for example...
That said, I think rivalry works if the environment was a big, Olympic swimming pool - with two rival divers (for example) competing - and sabotaging each other - you could use the bunting across the pool for the tightrope stunt, and a bowling ball to sink a competitor... the point is that character vs character will give you more tension and more 'story'. See what you think.